Ugh.
People make me crazy. They're inconsiderate, selfish, thoughtless, and occasionally dillusional. What makes me crazier, is the awful realization that despite tremendous personal effort, I am just as bad, if not worse. Just another member of the People Club, with all of the flaws listed above. Acutely developed.
An asshole.
This I consider as I chug my grape-flavored Rockstar (which is delicious) and smoke (which is satisfying) outside of the Goodwill (which was disappointing).
Despite possessing a nigh-invulnerable, sociopathic-level ego, its the personal realizations, the "moments of clarity" that stick in my head and make for my favorite of all emotional states: cathartic frustration.
So, the question is, having acknowledged the problems, how do I become less of an asshole? Nobody appreciates an asshole, and I don't want to be an unappreciated asshole. Unappreciated, fine; that I can handle, piece of cake. Asshole? Not okay with being an asshole. (I have to add: while it isn't okay to be an asshole, it is okay to type asshole. Extremely gratifying.)
So, what then is the answer? Fuck if I know; I thought I was doing a good job! This, I need to point out, is a classic trait of mine: Not paying enough fucking attention. (Which, along with being an asshole, I am very good at doing.) I thought that I was, turns out I wasn't. I suppose that my ignorance is the answer. Pay MORE fucking attention. If you think its enough; its not, and you're being an asshole. One must constantly struggle to give a shit. If you don't, well, than you're just an asshole.
At least I'm not a jerk.
(And I have never written "asshole" as many times in one sitting in my life. I could do it all day!)
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